Goodbye 2008

Well I must say, I am not sad to see the back of that one!!!

It's not been the best year in my history but now it's time to move on. This year I have decided to find out 'who I really am'.

I loved my Mum, make no mistake, but she never was one to show affection and I know that nothing I ever did made her proud or met with her approval. As a consequence to that I spent most of my time playing things safe for fear of getting 'that' look, which considering I am almost 50 is a very sad state of affairs really. Strangely it has left me in a sort of limbo, I have spent so much of my life trying to be someone she wanted me to be instead of myself, I have no idea of 'myself' anymore.

If you were to ask me today what sort of a person I was, I would tell you very unconfident. God forbid that I have to go for a job interview, even asking the bank for some money instills the fear of god into me, but I want that to change. I have got to build my confidence in situations that have previously made me tremble with fear.

My first goal is to let people know when they have pissed me off instead of just smiling and saying it doesn't matter, because, quite frankly, it does! I feel there are some people close to me who are trying to take over where my Mum left off and although that may be a very paranoid view, it is a view that I have and its time to nip it in the bud. I am the master of my own destiny.

Also I have to get over this conflict within myself about my Mum. I am sure it is all part of the grieving process, because she could have been a lot worse Mother than some peoples and if my back was against the wall, she did help me. BUT one half of me misses her and the other doesn't think about her at all and its the not thinking about her at all that causes me a lot of guilt and distress.

In the latter years of her life she didn't do much except sit on the sofa day in and day out and let my Dad run around after her. She had all her faculties but the people 'outside' had a far different view of her than, we, her family had. So should I be distressed at not missing that side of her? Of course not, so that is lesson 1. for today. I can think these things about her and still love her and I don't have to miss her 'bad' ways and just accept thats how she was.

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Sad News

I am very sad to say my Mum passed away on the 22nd of October. It was peaceful but obviously we all miss her. Newham general were brilliant to us as a family. So God Bless Mum, Safe Journey. xxx

Mum with Sian

Alive and Kicking

A friend of mine recently told me that she occassionally pops over to my blog and that I haven't been blogging much at all. Like I didn't know!! Ha!

The truth is, there is a lot of things going on at the moment, family things which I don't want to bore people with and as this is probably not the most popular blog in the universe I have let things slide.

I must, though, sing the praises of the NHS. Until recently my Mum (82) , who is terminally ill, had been given quite a raw deal. It seemed that basically, she had been left at home to cope with dying without any medial intervention. The district nurse came in as and when, her GP was, and remains to be, utterly attrocious. I went to the GP way back in March and asked that she got a referral to MacMillan and was told that she would be referred when she was on her death bed. Wrong!!

A few weeks back my Mum was admitted to hospital with a chest infection. Quite frankly the word 'Newham General' conjours up all sorts of mental pictures for the residents of Newham, the first one being dirty and grotty. But I have to say that over the last few weeks of visiting I have seen a great improvement. It looks clean and the staff although busy, seem to take time with the patients. Better still, the social services and occupational therapist have swung into action to ensure she gets home as soon as possible with as much help as possible. Mum has been admitted to a lovely new ward where the facilities are great and with the help of my Dad she will be home soon. Better still the registrar has referred her to MacMillan so hopefully now we can get some practical help and bolster up my Mums confidence. Ultimately the end will come for her, but thankfully she will now not feel abandoned by the medical profession. So thanks Newham General, I eat my words, lets hope the GP takes note!!!

Update

O.k O.k. Yes I have been very naughty, but I have been very busy, so here is a Sian update.



Baby with attitude

Sian And kai

Here they are!! Sian and Kai

Hellooooooo Baby!!!

Oh no photos yet, but my daughter had a little girl on Friday the 23rd of November. Sian Olivia Jane and she weighed in at a nice healthy 10lb 7oz!!! She is a whopper!!! Big fat cheeks, doesn't scream, and Mum, Dad, Kai and baby are all doing great!!! I am so happy, I got a Saggitarian instead of a Scorpio!!! (no offense to Scorio's mind)

In anticipation

My daughter is having a baby!! It's due tomorrow, but we have had a few false starts. Oh the anticipation is driving me nuts!! Poor Kai is tearing his hair out as he waits to see his sister/brother. He has bought a teddy ready to take to the hospital and a Christmas present of a bib that plays Jingle Bells and a pair of sheep faced booties.

Poor Christine is HUGE, she has been suffering from sympathis pubis disfunction almost from 4 months. It is an instability in her pelvis caused by a big baby getting big quickly. Still the worst seems to be over after getting some physiotherapy from the Royal London and now that the baby's head has engaged. But ooooh how I want to see the little blighter!! Come on baby, come on. I know you are nicely cooked, now just hurry up and get here safely!!!

Another Blog

Well it's been a while since my last blog. I could make all sorts of excuses, but I won't!

The week before last, I finally had a week on the canals. We decided to go a different route as Chester has got a bit monotonous! Anyway, we chugged out of Swanley marina, down Hurlston locks and away towards Market Drayton.

Day one started very dismally. There was low lying cloud, rain thundering on the roof and it was cold. I must admit, after having a week on the boat like this once before I really wasn't looking forward to it, but come 11.30am the rain stopped and we chugged our way to Audlem and whoa!! The sun shone it had warmed up and then it stayed that way ALL WEEK I mean it was the last week of October going into the first week of November!!

We then had lots of locks to go through to take us up the 90ft climb to Market Drayton. Sharon, not being as fit as she once was, helped teach Linda to steer so that she wouldn't have to do all the locks herself and took the boat into the locks as much as she could. During those locks, we met some really nice people. Sadly I didn't take their names (naughty me) but there was one guy in particular who was a great help, making locks ready for us after he had moored. The only clue I have to his identitly was he had a dog called Meg (an English sheep dog cross, rescued) and his wife was called Margaret. I did meet one American lady who asked me if I realised the principles of locking because we dared to stop for breakfast and she thought we were going to waste a lock full of water. Less said about her the better, except, I hope she had a nice journey home!!!

We got to Market Drayton by day 3, but because the Challenger boat owner had taken all the space we then had to go up 5 locks to turn then back down them again!! Oh well, such is life. Another nice gent at the top of those locks helped me turn Summer Breeze.

On the subject of Summer Breeze. She is showing her age a bit now. Every day, not only did we have to grease the prop (essential) ,but also had to fill her engine with at least a litre and a half of water and keep the revs low, hence, we were always being passed by other boats. One in particular, too fast. He dragged our front end towards him, while we wobbled about on the waves he had made. Luckily I know where reverse is so there wasn't a collision!!!

Course, after climbing 27 locks, we had to go back down them again and Linda worked like a Trojan. She has my lock wheeler of the century award!!!

Well done Linda!!!

Anyway, on Halloween, we made it back to Audlem and decided to stay the night. The local pub, The Shroppie Fly had a halloween night for the local kids in the pub, so the evening cost us a fortune (treating) and we did have some banging on the boat after dark. Ooooh, it was really scarey. We also met Jan and Simon on a Challenger boat at Audlem and helped clear up their flooded loo. Nice couple, maybe we will see them again sometime!

All in all we had a nice break. Sharons pump didn't charge very well, but that was put right by the lovely Christine who runs the craft shop next to the Shroppie Fly. I am now looking for crew, so if anyone would like to share narrowboat holiday?...............................................

YEE HAR!!!!

Oh yes!!! 3 weeks and counting, then it's off on a narrowboat holiday with Sharon and another friend for a week. I don't care if it rains I am waterproofed up! I am so looking forward to it as it's been 2 years since my last one. I am only hoping Christine doesn't give birth while I am on it as 4 mph doesn't bode well for rushing back! (She won't be with me thankfully!) We plan to go up the Shroppie the other way towards Wolverhampton, haven't done that route before. Lots of locks but hey, I could do with the exercise. So if anyone sees me on 'Summer Breeze' Please shout and say Hello!!

Going to School in Style

I was having a chat with my friend Susan the other week. I have been friends with her since I was old enough to play in the street!! 3 years old!! She is 3 years older than me but we used to go to the same primary school.

Her Mum had a friend 'Uncle Harry' He was a chauffeur for someone and occassionally he would pop in early in the morning for a quick cuppa.

One morning he offered us a lift to school. I remember this car as being very big, but as I was probably very small I thought maybe my memory deceived me, so thats why I started chatting to Sue about it.

A quick phone call to her Mum established that Harry drove a Bentley Princess in his occupation as a chauffeur, so in all probability, the car WAS big. It had leather seats and was very shiney and well kept. (As you would expect!)

We had a right old laugh imagining what we must have looked like, pulling up at this old 2 story, East London school in a Bentley! Then 'Uncle Harry' would get out in his smart uniform, open the door for us and give a little nod as we climbed out and made our way into the play ground.

Oh Yeah

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/6988521.stm

That is definitely worth a blog. At last the Brits have stood up for what they believe in and that stupid EU has abandoned it's insistence on a metric way of life!!!

Now does anyone else have any more suggestions about any other stupid rules and regulations they have imposed on us that we can totally ignore?

No one minds a suggestion, but when a group of unelected nit wits come along and TELL us what to do then that's where I draw the line.

Where for art me?

Well Knowley, THAT is a good question. I don't know where the time has gone............I'm here.

Work has been horrendously busy but I am happy to say, it has slowed down and in 2 weeks I am off to Norway with that Sharon type person then a few weeks after that we are going on a Narrowboat for a week.

I have had a week off as Kai and Christine came and stayed with me for a week during Kai's nursery closure and....oh yes I am going to be a nanny again in November. I don't have a clue what Christine is having except it is likely to be large. She looks fit to burst already and still has 2 and a half months to go. It is due the week after we come back off the narrowboat, I am hoping it won't come sooner as being on a narrowboat is hardly condusive to getting back to London in an emergency!!! I hope all my bloggy friends are well and I promise I will start bloggin again very soon.

If you want to grass your Nan up, find a policeman

Yesterday, Kai came up to work with his Mum to have lunch with me. While we were in the cafe, I took him to the toilet and in the process of washing his hands, accidently sqirted soap in his eyes. Well! He didn't cry, but he asked me 'Are you going to tell my Mum what you did?' 'Are you going to tell the people in work what you did?' Wicked Nanny eh?

Anyway, on the the train going home, he informed me, he was going to tell a policeman what I had done to him! Evil Nanny had squirted soap in his eyes! Boy was I in trouble? We got off the train, I looked around. My local train station is usually full of police, but there wasn't a copper in sight. I could breathe a sigh of relief.

We walked through the shopping centre, out the other side, along the road towards Christines flat and there, I bumped into a guy I used to go to school with. He was in my class. We stopped and chatted and then I remembered! He was a policeman! So I said to Kai 'Kai, Nick is a policeman. Are you going to tell him what I did to you? Kai looked at me, then looked at his Mum, then back to Nick and said 'My Mum hit me in the face with her elbow!!' Thank god I thought (tongue in cheek, of course) He had grassed Mum up and not me!! Nick enquired if it was an accident and Kai admitted that it was, so we all had a chuckle and went our separate ways.

As we were walking along, Christine asked if he really was a policeman as he had been wearing a suit. So I smiled and told her 'Yes, in actual fact, he is the commander for the whole Metropolitan police in the borough'

So the moral of this story? If you are going to get grassed up by your Grandson, make sure it is done whith style and go straight to the top!!

Smoking Ban

I am writing this blog as a SMOKER! Yes I smoke, I know it doesn't do me any good and I should give it up, and one day I probably will, but not yet.

On the 1st of July England goes non smoking. No smoking in enclosed public spaces............Pubs, Restaurants, night-clubs, hotels.......

Are you waiting for me to complain about it? Go on about my 'rights' as a smoker? Cos if you are, then you may as well stop reading now.

I am positively looking forward to it. The truth is, when I start rolling a cigarette, I am embarrassed. It is a truely filthy habit, and my attitude is: It's my right to smoke, but not to inflict that on other people. I am sick of hearing smokers asking: 'What about my right to smoke?' Surely they can see that their right to smoke is more harmful than that of a non smoker?

I would like to think I am a considerate smoker. I would never just light up in a non smokers house, I try to dispose of my butts in a bin (unlit of course). I accept I have a very unsociable habit and just wish other smokers, would take a deep breath and admit it too.

I will smoke less when I go out. The positive of that is, it will be better for my health and better for my pocket.

I would just like to say though, please don't quote me on how much smokers cost the NHS (About 2 billion) unless you want to quote along side, the revenue the government receive from tobacco (About 10 billion) And no, I am not using that as an arguement to smoke in public enclosed spaces.

Stiff Upper Lip

Laugh? Well I had to last night. Watching Big Brother.

On first appearances Lesley wasn't really my cup of tea, but after being persuaded by Big Brother to rethink her decision to leave the house she went to the bedroom, squatted beside her bed, put her head under the quilt and started to snivel. Finally Emily noticed her and went up to her, the conversation then went like this:

Emily: Lesley, I didn't see you there
Lesley: Sniff, snivel, snivel
Emily: Are you alright?
Lesley (In stiff upper lip tradition) Yes Thankyou
Emily: What are you doing down there? Are you o.k?
Lesley: Yes. Thankyou, I am just sniffing my mattress

I know it doesn't sound funny! And maybe I was just in a silly mood last night, but I cracked up laughing. Next time I am caught crying, I will try that one!!

Long Time No Blog

Have I been busy or have I been busy? I haven't blogged for ages!! Hooray!! I hear you say.

Update on the work thing. I went for an interview for my own job and funnily enough, I got it. I was then sent a contract offering me LESS money and the loss of 12 option days. Hahem!! (And if you watch Catherine Tate you will know what I said next!!) Seems HR forgot I was on protected salary. Still they then made me a better offer of MORE money and the loss of 12 option days holiday so I decided to take it!!

Since then, I have worked my bloody socks even more and realise I should have pressed for more financial gain. Still never mind, I have the job title and thats what is important.

Anyway peeps, how are you all? I have been looking at your blogs even if I didn't write one and I have been thinking of you all. I hope you are all well.

I am off now for a few days so I will look forward to any comments when I get back. Good or bad, I don't care..................................

Tagged again

KnowleyPowley http://new-gold-dream.blogspot.com/ has tagged me. I put my birth date (26th of March) in Wikepedia and came up with these

3 Events
1. Richard The Lionheart fatally wounded
2. Auschwitz took in it's first female prisoners
3. Jonas Salk announced his Polio Vaccine

2 Birthdays
1. Diana Ross 1944
2. Teddy Prendergast 1950

1 Death
Noel Coward

1 Holiday
Bangladesh independence day

Now I suppose I will have to tag someone else won't I? Caroline, GO, Akelamelu.

Typical Man

I have had my Grandson staying with me all week. We have been to the zoo, been over the park, gone to see narrowboats and had lunch in the pub. In all we have had a jolly good time but by Thursday the novelty was wearing off.

He's a right little chatterbox is Kai, he talks for England. He always has a 'Nan what is...........' Or 'Nan, why is............' So there we are on Thursday going around Morrisons. He is singing 'Lets all go to Tesco's where my Mum buys her best clothes' Then the questions start. By the time I got to the check out, I was frazzled so I told him
'Kai, I am going to change my name!!' He looked at me quite puzzled and asked 'What are you going to change it to?' so I told him. 'Anything but Nan then you won't be able to asked non stop questions and I won't have to answer to Nan! He looked at me and said 'Tell me what your new name is then' so I told him 'NO!'. That's when he turned into a typical man, he looked at me really sad and said ' Oh I won't be able to ask you for a cuddle then'

Did I melt? Of course I did, how could I get grumpy at that? So I kept my name and once he realised I wasn't about to change it the questions started again 'Nan what is......' 'Nan why is........'

AGHHHHHH!!!