If you want to grass your Nan up, find a policeman

Yesterday, Kai came up to work with his Mum to have lunch with me. While we were in the cafe, I took him to the toilet and in the process of washing his hands, accidently sqirted soap in his eyes. Well! He didn't cry, but he asked me 'Are you going to tell my Mum what you did?' 'Are you going to tell the people in work what you did?' Wicked Nanny eh?

Anyway, on the the train going home, he informed me, he was going to tell a policeman what I had done to him! Evil Nanny had squirted soap in his eyes! Boy was I in trouble? We got off the train, I looked around. My local train station is usually full of police, but there wasn't a copper in sight. I could breathe a sigh of relief.

We walked through the shopping centre, out the other side, along the road towards Christines flat and there, I bumped into a guy I used to go to school with. He was in my class. We stopped and chatted and then I remembered! He was a policeman! So I said to Kai 'Kai, Nick is a policeman. Are you going to tell him what I did to you? Kai looked at me, then looked at his Mum, then back to Nick and said 'My Mum hit me in the face with her elbow!!' Thank god I thought (tongue in cheek, of course) He had grassed Mum up and not me!! Nick enquired if it was an accident and Kai admitted that it was, so we all had a chuckle and went our separate ways.

As we were walking along, Christine asked if he really was a policeman as he had been wearing a suit. So I smiled and told her 'Yes, in actual fact, he is the commander for the whole Metropolitan police in the borough'

So the moral of this story? If you are going to get grassed up by your Grandson, make sure it is done whith style and go straight to the top!!

Smoking Ban

I am writing this blog as a SMOKER! Yes I smoke, I know it doesn't do me any good and I should give it up, and one day I probably will, but not yet.

On the 1st of July England goes non smoking. No smoking in enclosed public spaces............Pubs, Restaurants, night-clubs, hotels.......

Are you waiting for me to complain about it? Go on about my 'rights' as a smoker? Cos if you are, then you may as well stop reading now.

I am positively looking forward to it. The truth is, when I start rolling a cigarette, I am embarrassed. It is a truely filthy habit, and my attitude is: It's my right to smoke, but not to inflict that on other people. I am sick of hearing smokers asking: 'What about my right to smoke?' Surely they can see that their right to smoke is more harmful than that of a non smoker?

I would like to think I am a considerate smoker. I would never just light up in a non smokers house, I try to dispose of my butts in a bin (unlit of course). I accept I have a very unsociable habit and just wish other smokers, would take a deep breath and admit it too.

I will smoke less when I go out. The positive of that is, it will be better for my health and better for my pocket.

I would just like to say though, please don't quote me on how much smokers cost the NHS (About 2 billion) unless you want to quote along side, the revenue the government receive from tobacco (About 10 billion) And no, I am not using that as an arguement to smoke in public enclosed spaces.

Stiff Upper Lip

Laugh? Well I had to last night. Watching Big Brother.

On first appearances Lesley wasn't really my cup of tea, but after being persuaded by Big Brother to rethink her decision to leave the house she went to the bedroom, squatted beside her bed, put her head under the quilt and started to snivel. Finally Emily noticed her and went up to her, the conversation then went like this:

Emily: Lesley, I didn't see you there
Lesley: Sniff, snivel, snivel
Emily: Are you alright?
Lesley (In stiff upper lip tradition) Yes Thankyou
Emily: What are you doing down there? Are you o.k?
Lesley: Yes. Thankyou, I am just sniffing my mattress

I know it doesn't sound funny! And maybe I was just in a silly mood last night, but I cracked up laughing. Next time I am caught crying, I will try that one!!